Thursday, October 02, 2008

The left side of my face is numb

The dentist is always a daunting place for me. I wasn't blessed with the best set of chompers nor am I any good at maintaining them. My caveman approach of eating, drinking, gnawing on sunflower seeds and chomping on my fingernails has sort of, well has, caught up to me. Turns out my teeth are getting flat (unlike my stomach) and they are in need of some deep-cleaning. Whenever the dentist himself does the cleaning, you know it's much more serious than the hot little Asian dental assistant applying some polish and picking at your gums and chit-chatting about USC.

Numbing. Back in the day I had to get a bridge. The numbing process at that time was horrendous. Shoot me a couple times in all the right places and presto-magico I'm numb and slobbering like a Springer Spaniel. Also back in the day my worst fear came true when doing a root canal: I felt a fair bit of it. I thought for certain I would be permanently cross-eyed. "Do you feel it?" the dentist said. "Uh do you see my right eye looking at you and left eye looking at the opposite wall?" Pop, ping, sizz... another shot goes in the mouth, and off-shore drilling commences. "Do you feel it?" he asks again. "Do you see the hand prints on your assistants neck from my struggle to defy pain?" More numbing juice ensued to no avail. Onward to the specialist who pricked and poked and bingo I'm numb within seconds and the root canal is finished.

This time around it was mild. A needle insertion here and there and I'm numb, but the memories came ashore. I tighten up and brace myself for what turns out to be a deep-cleaning and a mild filling behind my front tooth. All the while the dentist continues to insist on me flossing and to stop biting my fingernails. I reply with an "I know, I know." If he only new the amount of Red Bull I drink and god-awful energy gels and bars I eat when I ride my bike. Shh. The right side deep-cleaning is tomorrow. On a side not: my insurance sucks.